2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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