Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize