Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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