HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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