I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
