Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
