i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
