Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
