So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
