none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she told me i tasted like america
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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