Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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