If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
