Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize