u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
