I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
