He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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