you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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