She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
