She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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