just tell him i said nine months
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
