she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
