All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
