Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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