So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
