Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
