So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
