If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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