Can Purell be used as lube?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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