i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
