He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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