did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
