Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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