We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
