I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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