i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
