The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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