Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
