that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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