Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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