You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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