Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
