So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
