do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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