Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
