I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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