Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
