I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
