i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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