I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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