all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
