i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
