i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
