I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
