I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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