the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
