Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
