I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
