yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
