I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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