non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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