listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I look better un-naked...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
