ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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