Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
