Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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