i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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