: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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