In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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