how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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