Cold hands, warm shart.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
