The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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