Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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