Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
